Red Hot Poker

Given the solitary nature of my job, I have been very alone with my topsy-turvy thoughts since transfer and am finding it hard to keep myself occupied with happy non truffle infused thoughts.

This is a typical day;

• Make 3,420 cups of tea
• Attempt to focus on work
• Over eat
• Google to find out if my reaction to 2WW is normal.
• Cruise other IVF blogs (which mostly upsets me more as IVF seems to only work for stupid people who cannot spell)
• Resent people who have children
• Feel guilty for resenting people who have children
• Start crying because I feel so mean for resenting people who have children
• Resent people who have children for making me feel guilty and making me cry when they are the ones that have children after all (even though said parents haven’t said a word or done anything wrong and I am making this all up in my head)
• Consider psychiatric evaluation of myself as I am clearly insane and a bitch.
• Google to see if I am normal – am somewhat reassured.
• Make mental peace with people who have children and call pregnant friend to say hi.
• Watch American daytime talk shows whilst trying not to poke out my own eyes as said American daytime talk shows are unbearably revolting.
• Consider flying to America and abducting the children of people on daytime talk shows as they are illiterate and unfit to parent.
• Google cheap airfares to America
• Call friends to be amused by their witty and fabulous lives.
• Have friends call so they can vent about their not so witty and fabulous lives.
• Attempt to meditate (note: I think that repeating to myself over and over again hysterically “I think my period is coming” is not that conducive to the goals of meditation.
• Google to see if feeling like my period is coming is normal
• Lurk
• Study International adoption sites for the several hundredth time in case they have changed the rules and I am immediately eligible for a baby.
• Seethe when discovering that I am not and that I must wait at least another two years to even apply.
• Resent adoption authorities who are clearly fuckwitted and should give me a child because I want one. Right Now.
• Consider moving to the UK as they have a better adoption programme.
• Google cheap airfares to the UK
• Google British real estate and job websites
• Try to find a Foxtel channel not playing a movie/sitcom/documentary about infertility/pregnancy/adoption/Spot.
• Fail miserably
• Clean the house twice because I may have missed a spot the first time.
• Visit the Icons and chat to them about why they should be protecting the truffle.
• Google fertility icons in case I am missing an important one that could be vital to success of IVF cycle. Make note to urgently find Venus of Willendorf figurine and obscure Haitian Erzulie Voodoo figurine. Should be simple in Sydney.
• Vacuum the ceiling
• Go to the bathroom every thirty seconds to check that there is no spotting.
• Google to find out if not spotting is a good thing.
• Stare into space
• Go to chemist to get pregnancy test kit. Leave chemist empty handed as I am not allowed. Buy Chocolate instead.
• Realise I have done very little work and will probably be fired.

Once M gets home, I am reborn as I have a playmate and therefore new and exciting things to do to keep myself occupied

• Follow him around like a smell
• Nag M to come and play with me
• Nag M some more
• Have M declare he will shove a red hot poker up my arse if I don’t stop annoying him.
• Decide that it would be a good idea to learn to play poker, right now.
• Learn to play poker.
• Discover that I like poker as it is most fun
• Discover that folding your cards when you have a straight flush is quite stupid
• Lose loads of money playing poker until the early hours of the morning.


Filed under impatience, IVF, waiting

4 responses to “Red Hot Poker

  1. Can you work in a funny movie, a little group therapy with other women in IVF treatment and a massage?

    • The massage is on the day plan for tomorrow along with catching up with my girlfriends. The funny movie is planned for tonight as a date with hubby! 🙂

  2. too too funny. I would be just the same. Except I would have bought the pregnancy kit. But DON’T!!!! Be strong.
    I like poker too. We should have a poker night one time when in the same country.

  3. A poker night sounds so American sitcom. I love it! It’s a date.

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