Papa Don’t Preach

Just like his mummy, Devilboy is obsessed with babies.  

Due to several rather obviously protruding bellies amongst the mothers at childcare, there appears to have been extensive discussion of the topic. By discussion (given it occurred between a smallish group of two to three year olds)I mean pointing and gesticulating and uttering the odd comprehensible word in the general vicinity of his friend’s fecund families.

It would appear that Devilboy is now quite aware that babies spend a considerable amount of time hanging about in their mummy’s belly before they are born, but clearly his understanding of the “birds and bees” pretty much starts and finishes with that.

In fact, he appears to be convinced that most women are permanently with child, regardless of any obvious visual evidence. This has caused much embarrassment of late as he has announced, with great confidence to both sets of excitable grandparents, that “Mummy has a baby in her tummy” 

Clearly, to anyone who has read even a singular post in this blog, I do not… and disappointing said grandparents with the actual facts was a little upsetting given our ongoing ineptitude in the fecundity department. 

It has also caused some gender confusion as today he insisted that a guy with a quite splendid beer gut in our local convenience store was, in fact, a girl. Thinking that a quick explanation that the gentleman in question was most definitely a man would suffice was a clear mistake, as Devilboy shouted loudly, “No man, mummy! That girl has a baby in tummy!” 

 Apologising swiftly to the shocked pregnant man I fled, planning never to return to that particular establishment, even if it means driving several suburbs out of my way to buy bread and milk. 

 But today’s embarrasment paled into insignificance compared to another of Devilboy’s bold announcements. 

At the recent birthday party of a two year old friend, who for the sake of anonymity we will call Jenny, Devilboy declared that she too had a baby in her tummy. At the ripe old age of two? Floozy! 

The comment drew a few uncomfortbale  giggles and a hasty explanation from his embarassed mummy that Jenny most certainly didn’t have a baby in her tummy. But the following dialogue most certainly did have people rising eyebrows…

“Jenny DO have baby in her tummy” declared Devilboy with utter conviction. 

“Well I wonder how it got there?” questioned Jennifer’s daddy, laughingly trying to deflect the conversation.

“My put it there!” explained Devilboy earnestly.

“Yeah!” boomed Jenny’s voice through the ensuing silence (though in all honesty, most probably in reply to an entirely different conversation stream).

“!” said everyone else. 

Half expecting little Jennny to start gyrating about singing “Papa I know you’re going to be upset” with a troupe of two year old backing dancers … I tried digging a hole in the ground to bury myself in. Realising I was standing on concrete and that this wouldn’t be an easy or quick option, I instead apologised to the parents for my mouthy son’s alleged impregnation of their daughter. 

The party was soon back on track with age appropriate playing and squealing and eating of cake but I found myself ostracised by some of the parents as they had quickly split into two very definite camps. Those who thought Devilboy’s bold comments were “kind of creepy” and glared at me like I was some kind of parental pariah (which surprised me as it just seemed like one of those innocent ‘out of the mouths of babes’ moments to me)… and those naughtier mummy’s and daddy’s who were still pissing themselves laughing about it an hour later. 

So was it creepy or was it just piss funny? ‘Cos I’m still laughing  now…


Filed under Devilboy, Uncategorized

2 responses to “Papa Don’t Preach

  1. Roni

    This is a humiliation I was spared myself (or possibly the memories are too horrendous and have been repressed).
    I do have a second-hand story I can share though:
    Small girl, having recently explored the concept of “girl” and related topics, is in a busy shopping centre with her foolishly frank and conscientious mother. She points to a man on the escalator and asks loudly: “Mummy, does THAT man have a penis?”

  2. Lisa Plunkett

    I’m with the “piss funny” camp and think that everybody will be giggling about it for years to come and it definitely sounds like a story for the wedding speeches (a loooooooong way in the future)….

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